The Song:
Bagpipes from Baghdad by Eminem
The Lyrics:
Aaahhhh…
Oh, it's music to my ears… oh man!
How can I describe the way I feel? Fucking great man!
Ok, let me see…
How can I begin?
VERSE 1:
Locked in Mariah's wine cellar all I had for lunch
Was red wine, more red wine and captain crunch
Red wine for breakfast and for brunch
And to soak it up an in-between snack crackers to munch
Mariah what ever happened to us?
Why did we have to break up?
All I asked for was a glass of punch
You see I never really asked for much I can't imagine what's
Goin through your mind after such
A nasty break-up with that Latin hunk
Louis Miguel, Nick Cannon better back the fuck up
I'm not playin’ I want her back you punk
This is Hello Kitty bedspread satin funk
Mixed with Egyptian with the little rappin punk
Zappin Eric Clapton Shaq brings out da crunk
And yeah baby, I want another crack at ya
You can beat me with any spatula that you want
I mean I really want ya bad ya cunt
Nick you had your fun
I've come to kick ya in your sack of junk
Man I could use a fresh batch of blood
So prepare your vernacular for Dracular acupuncture
CHORUS:
Bagpipes from baghdad
When will it ever cease
For Pete's sakes she's crazy to say the least
Bagpipes from baghdad
What's goin through my mind
Half the time when I rhyme we're blowin up like
Bagpipes from baghdad
Someone turn the vacancy sign on
Cause i'm gone, blowing up like
Bagpipes from baghdad
I run the streets and mack
Like a madman holdin a glad bag
VERSE 2:
You can be a permanent fixture in my lyrical mixture
I'm the miracle whip, a trickster
My sig-nature sound when a tube of lipstick's around
I'm bound to put it on in an instant wow man
What an ensemble, what an assortment of PHARMA-
Ceuticals this beautiful pill does to my palma
Cuticles get residue just from touchin the bottle
Never knew I could remind me so much of my momma
I'll cut ya like Dahmer, pull the butcher knife on ya
The size of a sword boy i'm like the fuckin ruts on ya
Get it stuck in your cornea, nice knowin ya Norman
Your so fuckin annoyin, drop the shovel boy
You don't know what the fuck your doin
I ain't playin no fuckin more
Nick Cannon you prick I wish you luck with the fuckin whore
Every minute there's a sucker born, snuck up on
Maliki made the motherfucker suck on a shuck of corn
Shuck of, shucka corn, shucka corn
Hit Jason in the face with a hockey puck and tell em it's fuckin on
Man what the fuck are ya doin
You're runnin over the snowblower with the lawnmower
Blowin your bagpipes from baghdad
CHORUS
Bagpipes from baghdad
When will it ever cease
For Pete's sakes she's crazy to say the least
Bagpipes from baghdad
What's goin through my mind
Half the time when I rhyme we're blowin up like
Bagpipes from baghdad
Someone turn the vacancy sign on
Cause i'm gone, blowing up like
Bagpipes from baghdad
I run the streets and mack
Like a madman holdin a glad bag
VERSE 3:
In the bed with two brain dead lesbian vegetables
I bet you they become heterosexual
Nothing will stop me from molestin’ you
Titty-fuckin’ you til’ your breast nipple flesh tickles my testicles
Is what they said to the two conjoined twins
How's it going girlfriends, you need a boyfriend
You need some ointment, just set up an appointment
Who's gonna see the doctor first, we'll do a coin flip
I just got my one-year sobriety coin chip
When the bad get goin, how bad does the going get
Baby you shouldn't have any trouble rubbin groins wit
Each other especially when you're joined at the hip
I'm going to get the needle and thread from the sewing kit
An attempt to separate 'em and stitch 'em back at the loin shit
Lure the little boy with the chocolate chips ahoy! chip-
Cookie lookie even took me a polaroid
CHORUS
Bagpipes from baghdad
When will it ever cease
For Pete's sakes she's crazy to say the least
Bagpipes from baghdad
What's goin through my mind
Half the time when I rhyme we're blowin up like
Bagpipes from baghdad
Someone turn the vacancy sign on
Cause i'm gone, blowing up like
Bagpipes from baghdad
I run the streets and mack
Like a madman holdin a glad bag
OUTRO:
Hghum-day-li-laaa-aaa-aaa-aaa-aa-aah-aah x4
What it means to Chad:
It is widely believed that Eminem and Mariah Carey had a brief and tumultuous relationship that ultimately culminated in Carey dating Nick Cannon, a retarded man-child who can best be described in two words: wild, out. But this is all bullshit! This supposed kiss-off song was not written about Eminem and Mariah Carey! It was written about me, the great Chad Henne, and Mariah Carey! ARGGHHH CANNON YOU FILTHY MARIAH CAREY STEALING SLUT!
Let me tell you a story, readers. Once upon a time, there was a beautiful, talented singer named Mariah. She was just becoming popular, and was touring through Pennsylvania, where she met a 12 year old boy who gazed into her ocular cavities with a mix of awe and lust. She returned his gaze, despite its ferocity. Backstage after the show, Mariah and the young boy fucked like wild bears riding wild horses for 13 hours straight (and 2 hours gay), listening to Seal's Kiss From a Rose on loop. They parted, promising each other that they would one day be reunited after the tour and live together, growing in love's undying sun. AND NOW SHE'S WITH THAT COCK NICK CANNON. Well let me tell you a secret, faithful readers. That little 12 year old boy was me. Chad Motherfucking Henne. Quarterback, Thoreau scholar, lover. When Mariah left me drowning in the river I was crying her, she chose a direction at one of the many crossroads of life, affecting both me and her. And I think we know who came out the better, bitch.
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