OK, I think we've got this one figured out. It's in the fucking bag. I went back to my house, and do you know what I found? INCRIMINATING EVIDENCE!
That's right! A fucking DVD copy of Scent of a Woman in my goddamn DVD drive! I guaran-fucking-tee you that shit isn't mine. That movie sucks. Seems to me the perpetrator came over for hot wings, stealthily hacked my e-mail account out of blog envy, watched Scent of a Woman on my computer, and then FORGOT TO TAKE THE MOVIE WITH HIM.
You know what this means.
Ricky Williams must be stopped. He has to be--
What? What the fuck are you guys talking about? What? OUT WITH IT, CHAD-SPEAKS!
Another clue? A numerical clue? Like a Sudoku. You say I gave it to you? I have no idea what you're... oh. Oh no. Oh my god. I should have known.
THAT CLUE! THAT WASN'T ME! THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT! DIDN'T IT SEEM SUSPICIOUS TO YOU THAT THE FINAL CLUE WAS ON A METALLIC PLATE PROTRUDING FROM THAT GODDAMN DOPPELCHAD'S CHEST? DIDN'T IT? AND YOU SOLVED THE DAMN THING ANYWAY! YOU JUST HAD TO HAVE YOUR FUCKING PUZZLES, CHAD HENNE BE DAMNED! WELL I HAVE SOME FUCKING NEWS FOR YOU, BUTT TRUNCHEONS!
OK, deep breaths.
See, the truth is worse than I had ever imagined. That false Chad that you confused for me? It's not just a DoppelChad. It's a RoboChad. And since you retardedly punched in the input code on his chest Sudoku, his safety switch is off, and he's going to kill every person on this earth.
I'm the only one who can stop it. God save us all.
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