Good morning, assholes:
Something troubling has occurred. I have a boner to pick with all of you bastards.
WHY HAVE THERE BEEN NO ENTRIES ON MY BLOG FOR THE LAST WEEK AND A HALF?
Phew. Man, glad I got that off my chest. You keep that shit inside, man, that shit just boils, and there's nothing that smells worse than that. Shit. Stinky boiling shit. Hot shit soup.
Gross.
OK, here's the deal, douchebags. You know that I hate you all. I hope you all get seeping herpes and die the crotch-itching death of a coward. This is just a simple fact. You spread falsehoods about me and the Hanging Chad, which incidentally, I don't know how your reporters or investigators or whatever the hell found out that I call my dick that, and you do it all on a poorly made blog that any football great would be ashamed to have their name attached to.
Except Ochocinco. He's a whore.
BUT YOU CAN'T JUST STOP WRITING ABOUT ME FOR EXTENDED PERIODS OF TIME!
So put yourself in my size 26 Chad Henne shoes for a second. And yes, my big shoes do mean I have a huge penis. I read this bullshit blog a couple weeks ago, and see that you've started to get into some stuff that's really close to my heart. I don't know how you found out about it, but it doesn't matter. I mean, my relationship with my stepsister Sara? My controversial State of Florida registration as a penile donor? This is serious shit. How do you think it makes me feel to have all of this unearthed, and then to have it stop like it didn't mean anything?
IF I HAD EMOTIONS, THEY WOULD BE VERY CONFUSED, CONFUSED INTO A POIGNANT MIXTURE OF SORROW, REGRET, AND ANGER!
I hate all of you with the intensity of a battleship full of atom bombs thrown into the sun. But this is also catharsis for The Chad. You must carry on. Or I swear to God, I will slap all of your cocks with my vastly superior cock until they all fall off and run away.
Best wishes,
Just kidding, fuck off,
Chad Henne
PS: Did you see that the Dolphins committed to me as the starter for 2010? QB of the future, boom, bitches!
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