Monday Week 1 - All About Chad

Meet Chad




























Chad is a quarterback in the National Football League. Isn't that great?

Chad plays for the Miami Dolphins. Two years ago to this day, there was no reason to be excited about the Dolphins. They had just finished a 1-15 season, which, while not historical, was, as my one year old brother used his first words to say, "fucking terrible".

NOT ANYMORE.

It's time to get excited for the 2010 Miami Dolphins. They have a young team, an exciting team, a team that once traveled back in time and banged the 1980s Cowboys while they were banging 1980s Cowboy cheerleaders.

And they have Chad Henne. "Chad who?" you ask. "Isn't he just some kid from Michigan?" Well no, asshole. He's from Pennsylvania. And he has a 26.5 inch penis.

Let me tell you some things you don't know about Chad.

1) Chad Henne is 6 feet 32 inches tall.

2) Sometimes Chad Henne walks around doing a handstand in public places so that when somebody asks him what he's doing, he can say "Nothing much, just holding up THE WHOLE DAMN WORLD!"

3) Chad Henne was once sacked by LaMarr Woodley. When Woodley got up, he was pregnant.

4) Rex Ryan was photographed flipping off a Dolphins fan last night. He was found dead in an alley with the letters "C.H." carved into his forehead. Authorities have not released an official statement.

5) If Chad Henne's penis is severed, be it in an unfortunate accident or by one of his many jealous foes, two more grow in its place.

I'll post more great facts about the greatest QB in the NFL every week! Get pumped! GO TEAL, GO ORANGE! GO JIMMY BUFFET!