Friday, February 5, 2010

Friday Week 1 - Wonderlic, Inc, in Association with Chad Henne, Presents Chad Henne's Unreleased Wonderlic Answers!

The Wonderlic test. A standardized test administered to individuals entering into a variety of professions. Not to be confused with the Wonderlick test, which is only administered to prostitutes and anteaters. Anteaters gotta get paid too.



This test is most famous for its wide use in the NFL, mainly because it lets us see which NFL players are fucking morons. It makes us feel better, because they are otherwise better than us in most respects. Sebastian Janikowski got a 9/50. Really? It should be noted that a score of 10 suggests basic literacy. Fuck you, Janikowski. Although really, what do you expect from a kicker? I hope your leg falls off.



Anyway, you may be aware that the mighty Chad Henne scored a 22 on his Wonderlic (and a 50 on his Wonderlick). Not too shabby: better than the average person's score of 21, and let's just say the average football player's score makes you think they score the thing like golf. But despite those 22 gems of Chad Henne reasoning, there were also 28 unfortunate slips.

He was probably just fucking around and not actually incorrect, but I guess there's no way to know since Wonderlic, Inc has a strict confidentiality policy, and won't actually release football players' exams. Not even Chad's...

UNTIL NOW! Every Friday, Wonderlic, Inc, in Association with Chad Henne, Presents Chad Henne's Unreleased Wonderlic Answers!

2. A physical education class has three times as many girls as boys. During a class basketball game, the girls average 18 points each, and the class as a whole averages 17 points per person. How many points does each boy score on average?

Chad's Response: Rather than answering this question, I will explain the ways in which it is fucking absurd. OK, so 3 times as many girls as boys in a gym class. Where the fuck is this taking place, Wonder Woman's Amazon lesbian planet? And unless I've gone crazy, this question is suggesting that the girls outscored the boys. Yeah. OK. Mathematically I get it, but somehow all signs keep pointing to the boys' average score being 30. Like, at least. Though it should be noted that there's this one douchey little kid named Craig, and he scored zero like a complete fag. And that, ladies and gentlemen, is the danger of using the statistical mean as your metric for picking on the little homo kids in class.
Grade: 0/1 - You are a terrible person.

11. John is a mechanic. He makes $8.50 an hour, plus $3 extra for every oil change he performs. Last week he worked 36 hours and performed 17 oil changes. How much money did he make?

Chad's Response
: Let's see... so that's $306 for the wages, and $51 for the oil changes, so that's what, $357? Oh wait. John the mechanic? I know that bastard. His job sucks, so he gives blowies out by the train tracks for $20 or some shit. So that means... carry the 5... natural log... John made $1450 last week. Trust me. Dude gets around.
Grade: 0.5/1 - You did have the correct answer somewhere in there, but your full response shows some possibly unresolved psychological issues.

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