It's the Circle of Life, Chad Henne

Ghostly Visage of Dan Marino: Hello, my child.

Chad Henne: Dan Marino! I knew you'd come! I just knew you'd come! I trekked for days and days and turned into a lion to find you!

GVDM: Indeed, a wise choice, for in terms of their mighty cocks, lions are truly the kings of the jungle.

CH: That's what I told Ricky. He wasn't buying it.

GVDM: Ah, how is dear old Errick?

CH: Well actually, ghostly visage of Dan Marino, that's not why I came to see you. I'm not just here to catch up and shoot the breeze.

GVDM: Then what is it, my son?

CH: Well Dan Marino, when we threw our big 50th blogiversary party--

GVDM: I remember it well! I drank sweet nectar from the nipples of a Bulgarian prostitute long into the night! Sweet party, young one.

CH: Fuck, I know, that's what I said! But anyway, it really pissed off Jesus. He came with a machine gun, and now the rapture is pretty much imminently due to start. I mean, it's been imminently due to start for almost a month now. We're pretty F-ed in the B.H.

GVDM: Oh young one.

CH: What, Dan?

GVDM: Think. Look into your inner soul. If Machine Gun Jesus wanted to punish us all for our assorted sins, such as snorting a line of cocaine off your vanity--

CH: So that was you!

GVDM: As a floating head, yes, the sweet white lightning is one of the few pleasures left to me. But if Jesus wanted to punish us, why has he not done it yet? You must learn not to trust your eyes, Chad Henne, but your heart. Perhaps consider using your penis as a dowsing rod. It has surprising efficacy, especially when it becomes necessary to find truffles.

CH: Hm. That makes sense, I think. Hey, did you know the GM thinks I may be the best QB in franchise history? Any of the Miami media outlets let that one slip over your way?

GVDM (fading slowly into the sunset): Hm? What was that?

CH: I said--

GVDM: It's the circle of life, Chad Henne!

GVDM: The circle of life!

GVDM: The circle of life! Also, fuck you, you fucking upstart.

CH: What was that?

GVDM: [vanishes]

CH: Shit. What do I do now? I'm still a fucking lion.